Thursday, February 15, 2018
12 Signs You Are Dating a Deadbeat
For the day after Valentine’s Day, I figured I would keep it real. Yesterday was all about feelings, emotion, and showing the one you love how much you mean to them. Today is all about reality. Being in a relationship is not easy. You get clouded by love and you can’t see straight. You often don’t see the person you are with for what they really are. I hear friend’s stories about their partners and think, “Wow that guy sucks big time, what a deadbeat.” Little do I know that I was probably the guy being thought of that way in the past. This post isn’t meant to make anyone feel bad. I believe the only way we get better in life is by acknowledging the things we do that aren’t good character traits and try to eliminate them. I know I have many. Let’s take a look at some signs that you are dating a person that will only drag you down, especially financially. I will be surprised if any of us can make it through the list and not check one of these off about ourselves.
1) No ambition
Being in a rough spot in life is not uncommon. I have been there multiple times. It’s the ambition you have to get out of that spot that defines you. Life is a constant series of challenges. Some of them are brought on yourself, others are forced upon you by others. The secret is to limit the ones you bring upon yourself and navigate through the external ones. This requires ambition. There is no end to the work that you will have to put in. When you are just starting out, the work you do will have to be on you. When you get older, it will be on the ones you love, ie: your children. If someone has no ambition at a young age, what kind of parent will they be? Will they want the best for their children?
2) No drive
This goes right in there with the ambition part. Taking on the day, getting shit done, working hard for what you want are all important qualities. Having drive is what keeps you going even when you hate where you are. It is what allows you to work a crappy job, knowing that it is only temporary. It is what makes you know the importance of patience, determination, and strength in tough times. The challenges only get tougher in life, so find the drive to get you through the minor ones.
3) They sleep a lot
I don’t know about you, but I start to get a headache after 8 hours of sleep. There is no reason, unless you are injured or sick, to sleep for more than 8 hours. One sure-fire cause is that you are hungover, which I will get to next. Unless you get paid to sleep, which some people do oddly enough, you will only become a lazy bum by sleeping a lot and sleeping in. The day is only 24 hours long, sleeping half of it is a complete waste of time.
4) Constantly intoxicated
I know people that get drunk every day. I know people that get high every day. If you have to escape reality every day, maybe it’s time to change your reality. If you are addicted to these intoxicants it is time to seek help. I believe addiction is a disease and the battle will be the toughest battle of the addicted person’s life. It is, however, a worthwhile battle. The success and perspective that will be gained once sober are remarkable, and you will be an inspiration for everyone around you. For all you Rockstar partiers or wake and bakers, you are hurting yourself and your wallet. It isn’t cool when you get older, believe me.
5) Mooches everything
Normal people do not like borrowing stuff from other people. I even hate getting gifts…long story. You should have a fair exchange of paying bills, buying dinner, gifts, and the little everyday expenses. If the person you are with has no problem consistently receive money or items from others, run for the hills. It shows a lack of respect for the hard work it took to make the money to get the items.
6) Doesn’t pay debts or even acknowledge them
When you go back to the 1950s, having debt was shameful. Housewives would mumble under their breath about the local debt deadbeats. Today it is fashionable and in trend. Here is a little FYI for you, debt is not cool. It sucks big time and ruins lives. If you are with someone who doesn’t have the drive to pay off their debts, you are with a deadbeat. There is no single greater contributor to divorce than money stress. There is no greater contributor to money stress than debt. When you are in a relationship, their debts are now your debts even if your name isn’t on them.
7) They downplay your hard work
In my opinion, there is nothing sexier in a woman than one that works hard. It shows strength, mental fortitude, and a willingness to take what she wants. If someone downplays your hard work whether it is school, your job or in your family life, they are a deadbeat. The term, “work smarter, not harder” is bullshit. You must do both. If you saw Beyonce’s schedule you would puke. Getting what you want out of life requires hard work and someone that downplays your hard work obviously doesn’t realize that yet. Smile and nod and move on from that person.
8) They don’t respect money and think it isn’t important
I always laugh when people say money isn’t important. Your relationship with money will determine much of your life. Believing it to be not important, doesn’t make it so. I often hear, “Money can’t buy happiness.” True. But it can buy a vacation, education for your children, a house to live in, food in your belly, an early and comfortable retirement, an estate to leave to future generations, a gift to deserving charities, savings in case you get sick. Shall I go on? There are 2 people who think money isn’t important: Those who have none and those who have too much. The first one is justifying their poor position in life. The second one is lying so you don’t think about taking their money.
9) They have loser friends
People will hang around others who make them feel a certain way. If they are insecure they will hang around people who they believe are less than them. If they are ambitious they will hang around people who they believe are smarter than them. If they are lazy they will hang around other lazy people, in order to not feel like they are out of place. We all have those friends we grew up with that will always be in our lives, but all of them shouldn’t drag you down. If your partner is surrounded by douche-tastic losers, chances are they are one and the same. They make movies about these situations, don’t be the star of one.
10) Two Words – Video Games
There is no reason for a grown-up to play video games endlessly. What reality are you trying to escape from? How do you have time to do this? What is the point of it? These are all questions that can’t be answered productively. I remember I used to love playing Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong Country back in the day. I then turned 12 and that was over. You wouldn’t believe how many people I have met that are broke but dedicate 3-5 hours a night to video games. Coincidence? You also wouldn’t believe how many women I know that bitch about their boyfriend regarding something totally unrelated. I then ask them if he owns an X-Box. Guess what the answer is…..
11) They lose stuff constantly
If the person you are with is constantly losing or breaking their belongings then they probably have little or no respect for the time and effort it took to obtain them. This will ultimately transition into having a messy apartment or home, a run-down car, and even worse run-down relationships. When you own something, it should be taken care of. This includes people. You may not own them, but if you love them you will take care of them. Look around in your life and you will find examples of this correlation, I guarantee you.
12) No job
Bad economy, bad education, bad upbringing. There is absolutely no excuse to not have a job. I can walk down the street and find 6 jobs in 2 hours. They may not be great jobs, but they are jobs. There are amazing people out there with physical and mental disadvantages that go to work every day and bust their butts. What is the excuse of your partner? We all go through tough times, I get it. I once was jobless for 3 weeks. I then found a job making sandwiches at a local deli. I cringed when people I knew came in and saw me. I stayed there for 6 weeks until I found something better. Do what you have to do and work.
We all have our vices, that’s life. While working on yourself it is important to understand that the person you are with can bring you down. You and your partner should be open to discussing each other’s issues and work on fixing them together. Fixing these problems will make you happier, smarter and even financially better off. Remember that we all have a relationship with money and often our relationship with the ones we love can dictate how we deal with money. Strive to have both your love and money relationships be as healthy as possible.
Joseph James Francis is a Financial Advisor and Money Coach based in London, Ontario, Canada.
Email – firstname.lastname@example.org