Wednesday, July 11, 2018
How to Stop Arguing Over Money
It is the staple of any long-term relationship. Fighting over money has existed since cavemen and women fought over Bison Pelts. It is no secret that most marriages that end, do so because of money. While fighting over money is almost unavoidable, there are ways you can lessen the frequency and severity of those fights. Today I am going to show you my 10 Ways to Stop Arguing Over Money. Listen close cause it might just save you money and your marriage.
Talk the death out of money
You know what’s sexy, investment accounts. You know what’s not sexy, whatever the Kardasian’s did last night. If couples talked about their money half as much as they talked about Netflix there would be a lot fewer divorce lawyers kicking around. Make money boring by talking about it all the time. Soon it will become as bland as the weather and who fights about the weather? The problem is that couples ignore money discussions until they reach the point of anger. These discussions include emergency savings, retirement funds, education goals, debt, and spending. Oh, and talk about this too, LIFE INSURANCE. Talk about what would happen if you die. You wouldn’t believe how many couples I meet that have never discussed that. You also wouldn’t believe how many widows I have met that wish they did. Get it all out there and it will become so boring that a fight is almost impossible.
The Top Money Mistakes Couples Make – Budget Boss
Be fair and reasonable
I have found very few couples that make exactly the same amount of money. Being a team means to be fair and reasonable when it comes to spending. Dividing bills right down the middle is not fair if it leaves one spouse with zero dollars every month. You must devise a budget that takes all things into consideration. Personal spending is a family expense and each person should be allotted some money for that. Some think that making more money means you can spend more. Not as a couple. It means you BOTH can spend more but it also means you BOTH can and should save more. Add every expense in, including personal spending and subtract it from your income. Whatever is left over should be stockpiled.
How to Combine Finances as a Couple: 3 Methods – Budget Boss
Show that you care
I have written posts before on how to show your partner you really care about them. Sure, flowers are nice and so is chocolate, but flowers eventually die, and chocolate ends up you know where. Put your money where your mouth is and show your partner you really care by investing in your future as a couple. This means you should take the steps to make sure you aren’t a burden if something happens to you. Protect your income with disability and critical illness insurance. Protect your life with life insurance. Let’s say you only have $100 extra dollars a month. Where do you think is a better place to put it, a night out at a restaurant or insurance protection for your family? Have that conversation with your spouse and I am sure you will get the same answer.
Ways to Show Your Partner You Really Care – Budget Boss
Stop being selfish
You must think and act like a team when you are in a relationship. Money decisions you make affect both spouses. You cannot have one spouse who saves like crazy and the other who spends like crazy. You also need to understand that successful relationships take sacrifice, and that might mean skipping beer and wings with the boys or nail day with the girls. If these things are important to you then discuss them. No personal luxury, however, should take precedence over common goals.
Have personal goals
It is common to be in a relationship and feel that everything you do is for the couple, especially with the tone of the post so far. I think it is important to set personal goals as well. Make sure you don’t forget about yourself in the mix but understand that bettering yourself is paramount to making the unit stronger. Therefore, you should discuss personal goals with your spouse. Have personal savings goals, education goals, career goals and even leisure goals. If you both talk about these openly it will make you that much stronger as a couple, especially if you encourage the other’s goals and dreams.
Set common goals
It is pretty straightforward that you both should have a set of financial goals that you want to obtain as a couple. Working towards them as a team will make your relationship that much stronger. Some of these goals include a comfortable retirement, saving for a child’s education, buying a home and paying it off, protecting your assets, family vacations, and saving for emergencies. Setting these goals and accomplishing them together will strengthen your relationship and reduce the amount of fighting over money. Write them down and keep track. You will be amazed at the feeling you get from working as a team.
Wait to fight
The natural instinct when you see a money issue is to bring it up immediately. The problem is that when something is fresh, you often don’t think or act rationally. This can cause a discussion to turn into an argument and that can lead to personal attacks. If you see something your spouse did that bothers you in terms of money, take a day or so to cool off. Mention to them that you didn’t like that they spent $300 on a purse or golf club without mentioning it. On the flip side, if you know you are going to do something the other spouse might not like, bring it up before you do it. “Hey babe I am buying a useless golf club but don’t worry all the expenses including savings have been paid this month and it is coming out of my own personal slush fund, love ya.” Remember, make it boring so there are no surprises.
4 Reasons Why Couples Argue About Money – My Money Coach
See the big picture
Fighting over petty spending is a bad way to go about things. You must see the greater picture. If you both are in a solid place, don’t go nuts over little expenses. The goal as a couple should be to both contribute to the family’s overall financial health. Once that is knocked out of the park, do things for yourself and each other. You don’t want to be the couple that argues over brand-name ketchup. Take care of the big things and the small things will be so small that you don’t even care.
Step outside yourself
This one is hard to do, but you must see things from the other person’s perspective here and there. Empathy is a very underutilized trait, but it is crucial to any relationship. See where your partner is coming from and try to understand what it means. Again, this is why money communication is so important. When there is no communication we make up our own reasons for things. There is nothing worse than our own imaginations in a relationship. When is the last time you asked your partner, “How does that make you feel?” We don’t ask that because we don’t want to hear the answer. Hear the answer, adjust accordingly. That is empathy, but quite frankly, it is simply giving a shit about the other person.
No more lies
If you feel you must lie about something you probably shouldn’t do it. If you feel you must hide something, you probably shouldn’t do it. All these things lead to suspicion, resentment, and anger. Remember that the person you are with obviously loves you for who you are. That doesn’t mean that they love everything about you. Instead of hiding the things you know they don’t like, work on making them better. Brutal honesty should be your goal, especially with money. It all comes out in the end, so you might as well let it out from the get-go.
Being in a relationship can make your financial picture much brighter. Logically, two incomes are better than one. If this is the case, why are most people better off financially when they are single than when in a relationship? The reason is simple: They don’t go about their finances properly when in a relationship. You must plan extra careful when working together. Doing so will allow you both to succeed in life and money.
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Email – joe@budgetboss.ca
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